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Sandwich of the Beast

by Stevi Faithless

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about

A dramatic reading from the Book of Delicatessen, by the Honorable Reverend Stevi Faithless.

lyrics

And now, a dramatic reading from the book of Delicatessen, chapter 7, verses 11 through 18. Performed by the Honorable Reverend Stevi Faithless.

Then the angel with the golden hemmorhoid came to me and placed a scroll into my armpit. And the angel said, Behold, come and see. This is what befell the eaters of sandwiches after the star that is called Colby Jack fell into the ocean and turned the waters into ketchup. And I saw.
The SandwichChrist, who came to deceive the eaters of food, offered all nations a mark. And those who did not receive the mark were not allowed to eat at Panera. And their Einstein Bagels gift cards were made to be invalid. For those who did not receive the Mark, not even Subway would open its great doors. And great was the lamentation of those without the Mark.
And then the angel with the head of Oscar the Grouch did reach into my armpit and take the scroll. He made the scroll into a Reuben on a hoagie bun, with a side of kettle chips. And the angel with the head of Oscar the Grouch did say, eat the scrollwich. And I did eat the scrollwich, and its taste was like that of chewed bubblegum.
And then in my vision I saw that the SandwichChrist offered the nations of the world a sandwich. The sandwich was 2 cubits wide, 4 cubits deep, and weighed half an ephah, as much as a sack of flour. And the color thereon was like the mane of a mighty lion. And the smell of the sandwich was like the discharge of donkeys. And upon the sandwich was placed pineapple, roast beef, peppercorns, and Dijon mustard.
Those who ate of the pineapple and roast beef sandwich were cast into the lake of fire reserved for Satan and his rebellious angels. But to the remnant of the saints, God did bring a ham and cheese on wheat like a normal fucking person.
And sword mouth Jesus led them to the condiment aisle, where they did find plain yellow mustard, not fucking Dijon mustard you elitist west coast fuck.
And the saints chased their delicious sandwiches with name brand soda. Then they fell to their knees, crying "tasty, tasty, tasty, is the sandwich of the Lord Almighty."
And those who received the Mark of the Beast were forced to eat shitty frozen flatbread sandwiches from the Super Mart.

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released September 20, 2018
Written, performed, and produced by Stevi Faithless

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Stevi Faithless Atlanta, Georgia

Middle aged punk rock girl in the throes of estrogen induced puberty.

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