FUCK CIVILITY

How do I despise you?
Let me count the ways.

First you taught me about Hell.
Then you offered Jesus as a fallacious either/or.
Accept his love, or burn.

Then you bombarded me with circular logic:
What I say is true because
I say it is true.

Then you sent me to your worthless schools
To indoctrinate me and mold me into a compliant husk,
And when you found I was constitutionally incapable of compliant huskery, you called me:

Faggot
Special
Retard
Dickhead
Pussy
Weakling, coward, idiot, moron, and other words that still live in my house as unwelcome squatters.

Stand for the pledge. Stand for the pledge. Stand for the pledge.

If you don’t, you are a Communist who wants the Soviet Union to kill us all.
Soldiers in Vietnam, brave and courageous men, were killed or maimed because of you.
You are making Jesus cry. You are making God cry. You will make God punch you. You will make your future partner punch you. You will make yourself unemployable. The only job you will ever have will be scrubbing toilets at a whorehouse. Satan will demolish your unpatriotic soul. You will burn forever like a marshmallow in a Boy Scouts campfire.

But you will never be a Boy Scout. Godless Heathen Faggots do not get into the Scouts. You will make God Himself smash you over the lamp and send you screaming into eternal damnation.

Such is the path of spoiled children who will not stand for the Pledge.

I never learned any different. You made sure to remind me that I was a miserable failure, first as a boy and then as a man. And you poisoned the idea that I was or could grow into being a girl.

A girl.
A girl sharing a locker room with 30 middle school boys.
A girl being force fed directions on how to be a Godly man.
A girl who came to believe that getting drunk and growing a beard and joining your military was as close as she could get to your distorted pictures of manhood.

A girl who failed at marriage.
A girl who cut herself.
A girl who alienated everyone.
A girl who never bothered to take a bath some days.
A girl who hated and feared her own body.
A girl who failed at intimacy.
A girl who failed at fatherhood.
A girl who failed at life.

You raised me on lies and toxic propaganda.
You told me your way was the only way, and you abused me for trying to find my own way.
You taught me that survival was the best thing I could ever aspire to.
You numbed me with drugs, fast food, cigarettes, beer, sneakers, compact discs, and advertisements that became more ubiquitous and less ubtle as I aged.

And because of you
And because I knew no better than to become complicit in my own annihilation, I, like so many others,
Did nothing but age. I grew old. I did not grow up. How could I? You weaponized my girlhood against me. You taught me that a vagina was something to conquer, but that having one as part of your body made you soft and weak minded.

How do I want you to die?
Let me count the ways.

Allright kids, I’m your substitute for the day. Call me Mister Hammerskin. Ms. Petunia called in sick because she’s a woman.

Now let’s talk about current events. Who watches the news at home? Anybody?

Hands go up, some with hesitance, some with confidence.

Yes! You! You in the back, with the bitch eyes and the off brand jeans. Future janitor. Who just died?

Uhhmmmm...was it...Liberace? The piano player?

That’s right! Fageraci. He died of AIDS. One less faggot using up our oxygen, thank God.

Now open your textbooks to page 337. We’re gonna learn about the civil rights movement, and how Martin Luther King ended racism before any of you were born.

This before Obama. Nobody could even conceive of a black president where I lived.
But they paradoxically hated the very idea of a black president, woman president, or secular president.

Because God said it, I believe it, that settles it.

My friend was physically assaulted for wearing a band T-Shirt with an unflattering depiction of Christ. While Coach Motherfucker stood watching, probably gloating.

Such brave all American boys. Such red blooded football loving Confederate Flag worshippers. Such inspiring future second amendment fetishists. That’ll teach that other little weirdo. Serves him right.

Serves him right.
Serves her right.
Serves all of them right.
Violent assault.
Religious bludgeonings.
Denial of voting rights.
Disenfranchisement.
Lack of medical care.
Psychological trauma.
Housing insecurity.
Overwhelming stress and anxiety.
Being torn from their parents and locked in cages.
Pipe bombs in their places of worship.
Censorship.
Being shouted down.
Inability to find employment.
Forced re-education.
The Trail of Tears.
AIDS.
Tornadoes.
Terrorist attacks.
Serves them right.
Serves all of them right.
How do you like them apples, you Commie?

When I resist you, it is an act of survival.
When your leaders are pilloried in public, it is an act of survival.
When I cut off all contact with you, it is an act of survival.

Fuck civility.
Fuck civility.
Fuck civility.

I will let my anger be my guide.
I will make you feel what you have made all of us feel.
I will throw sand in your gears, spraypaint your houses with Venus symbols, boycott your shitty products, buy every stitch of clothing from thrift stores, sing the praises of Godless living.

I will support my friends in their own resistance.
I will help heal wounds.
I will access the empathy you never showed me.
I will give emotional support, shelter, hugs, housing and resources, when I can, to those who need these things as much as I do.

Love has hands. Love is a vibrant living thing. Love touches lives. Love is an embrace. Love is listening to others. And sometimes, love is a clenched fist.

Fuck civility.

Fuck civility.

Fuck civility.